maugorn (maugorn) wrote,
maugorn
maugorn

  • Music:

Schadenfreude. I confess, I has it.

I've been having to deal with a little bit of ennui lately. Upon reflection, I find that there's a tinge of guilt to it.

Why?

Well, I don't *want* to be the kind of person who enjoys the misfortune of others, but it's complicated. When I find out that someone who has been toxic to me personally receives some sort of Cosmic Smackdown, I can't help it, a little, but I don't like being that way.

It is for this very reason that while I indulge in plenty of revenge *fantasy*, and while I make no secrets of those whom I don't like and why, my preferred strategy for toxic people is to just arrange my affairs such that I don't have to deal with them. That way, when this Smackdown occurs (and it *does* seem kind of inevitable for some of those folks), it's not only not *my* fault, but I'm more insulated from the fallout from it. I've come to learn that it's better to have someone toxic OUT of your life, better even than revenge. It seems that as long as one is plotting or even wreaking vengeance, their poison is still in your life. Getting revenge just to get the last laugh over those who've wronged me seems like it would be fun, but there are other, better, funner hobbies (like tormenting scammers and painting eyeballs and collecting LPs) that actually give me lasting joy and don't keep me from my other ambitions. There is a reason why Revenge Movies seem to be tragedies in the end. For good Revenge, one needs to be all in, and I have a musical career to deal with. And, as I mentioned, the truly toxic people seem to have a way of attracting Cosmic Smackdowns all on their own. If I want a toxic person to get what they "deserve", most of the time, all I have to do is... absolutely nothing. And the Capricorn in me can't resist a good bargain like that.

But when it happens, I'm still having to tell the Brain Weasels to shut up, which is irksome and fosters non-productive ennui.

My conclusions, that I try to assert to myself are:
1) When someone toxic is removed from my life, I can actually *measure* how my life is improved.
2) When their removal from my life has been upgraded to "permanent", that will amount to even more improvement. It's not a loss to lose someone who subtracted from my life when they were in it.

I truly don't enjoy my fellow humans suffering, and I need to work on not letting myself be sucked into wallowing in schadenfreude.
BUT
I'm also not going to let myself be sucked into any grief over losing someone who was a negative asset to my own joy and peace.

Yeah, I'm being vague, but those who are in the know know what I'm talking about.

YMMV
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